Latest From My Blog

Welcome Back home, and it sure feels lovely to be back

Well many of you..whoever you are, may think i'm talking about going back home....Actually i'm talking about being on my blogg again.

Its been century's since I last saw those beautifully walled pink petals and that green bulging letters that makes me delight in its sight. I sure missed this special place I call my home...you since home is wherever you make it and wherever youre heart goes, I guess my home is right here :D

Aaaaanyway, ive had quite a few developments over these past 6 months i have been MIA...although im not really in the mood to discuss it...I just want to be my own therapist right now.



So I was chilling in a taxi...and these are the words that murmured into my mind..

I cant remember the last time I was happy about focusing all my energy into a task.
I cant remember when last I last wrote something ingenious without feeling creatively stifled.
I cant remember a time I did something ingenious within limitations...and still broke boundaries.
I cant honestly remember a day when I just woke up and smiled about the day ahead of me.
I cant remember a time when i was passionate about something and had something I wanna wake up for everyday. I mean sure a degree is worth waking up for, but if I have zero passion for what I'm living out now, whats the use??

I yearn live live again, to touch my invisible walls of possibility and to taste the sweetness of life in the air.
I yearn to live for more than mundane and deadlines.
I'm tired of struggling and fighting for a dream I don't see myself in.
I miss that little girl who painted pictures of tangible dreams and effortless love.
I miss her dearly, and I know she's there in the background screaming out to be heard and to be lived out...but somehow I keep suppressing her with this routine.
Her dreams and her true self screams out to me everyday, but I tell her to be quite because this essay needs to be done.
I tell her to be patient everyday, and that soon she will see why she had to be still for 3 years.






9:11 AM

The Pursuit of Tre' Melvin and his commentary

Bitches aint shit but hoes and triks...bitch bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks....

I just can get enough of this man...Edward Lee Melvin "Tre' Melvin" is thee hottest hott potatoe i have seen in my life. I just dont understand how he could be soo perfect....He's funny, down to Earth, the realist nigger i know and he's a philanthropist. I just can get enough of him...just thinking about the fact that i watched all 99 video's of his in 2 days makes it really bad. Then to top it all of, i get all giddy thinking im gonna watch Tre' on Tuesday and Friday...oh gosh i love him...

Fine guys, don't believe me...see for yourself and watch Tis is a commentary http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aRktXDXBf4



3:47 PM

Its beeeeen wayeeee tooo long, and i do miss my blog now

My journey since the last visit.

Oh my gosh, soo much has happened since the last time i was here..firstly i went to soo many parties it was craaazy. I went on a full weekend binge that got me wanting to stay indoors until i die. It was a great experience though, but it was also another experience that revealed to me what was important in my life and what i actually wanted from it.

That weekend just made me realse how much i like being an underdog...im that kid that wants to be seen when she wants to be seen...im that kid that likes taking the back entrance, away from the grand entrance...im that loud mouth kid that everybody likes (well...you always get those bitchy exceptions), and im that kid who likes being me. Ive reached that point where i know i can be that kid..that crew kid, that "you
cant sit with us" kid, that "im such a hot shot and i know it" kid. I know i can be that kid if i really wanted to...but you know what...i actually dont. I just realised how plain jane aint that bad at all...but i could never be caught dead in plain Jane's clothing (blaaaargh).

That weekend taught me the value of whats valuable, the value of time, the value of people you surround yourself with. In a big way, it taught me the value of life and where you want to go. Many a times i used to feel like i was not in control of my own life and the decision i  made (at times i still do), but i realised that who ever i let into my life and allow to penetrate my decisions...is actually my decisions.
Its true when they say, the  people you hang around with are a reflection of who you are...and its really hard trying to make sure that the reflection is a true reflection of who you are.

The other thing i learnt is that friendship should never be circumstantial...in a perfect world..
sometimes you may want them to last forever, and then they don't. Its thee most painful experience to see that one person whom you loved and adored soo dearly, turn into a stranger.

Bottom line to this whole weekend story is that you make yourself who you want to be, and you encompass yourself with external factors that will shape you into the person you will become.

#Feirce and love





2:45 PM

About a month later..daam ive been a stranger

After a long while...I write:

 Dear Lady...

 After a long while of forever trying to lie to yourself about trying to get better and be a better person, you still end up settling for second...third...or even second-last best. 
Why do you keep on doing that to yourself...you deserve more, and you shouldn't afraid to be more, and to want to be more. 

 What is it hu? Tell me darling, why is it that you feel you aint never gonna be good enough for that pedistole...is it their status, their overbearing persona, their own savage will to succeed.

 Well you better sit down and look deep within yourself, and figure out what is it you really want...do you want fame, do you want the spotlight, do you want to be thee fashionista, the feminist? or corporate success....what do you want?

 Yes i know, you may not have that great of a choice in what you want, but i do know your not stupid, and i sure as hell know you can do better that what your giving out now. I know its there somewhere, an i know you've done it before...its time you started believing in  your self, and actually taking those steps you've been dying to take. Stop being that wall that's closing up all your dreams and your opportunities.
Now listen hunny girl, you deserve all that is suppose to be given to you...but your only gonna get them if you put in the work, the heart, the blood, the sweat and the tears. Bitch you gonna cry, your gonna want to give in and i know your gonna want to sleep...but this aint the time to.
Its tie you realised why your here, and what your here for...cause i sure do know the Lord Jesus put you here and brought you this far for a reason.

 Now go on and climb that pedistole, cause once your up there, you'll know that no one else put you there but yourself...and remember that it can never be instantly attained...you have to remember that you have to work 10 times harder then everybody else...cause you know you aint got jack shit backing you up.

 You know what you gotta do...now its time you put your brain in gear and your back into motion...and dont you dare get distracted!

 Now go out their...go forth and conquer

Love Sasha Feirce...PS! She's in their, and she gone make it through ohkay. 



7:19 AM

...Read all about it..

You've got the words to change a nation
but you're biting your tongue
You've spent a lifetime stuck in silence
afraid you'll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song
So come on, come on
Come on, come on.
You've got a heart as loud as lions
so why let your voice be tamed
Baby we're a little different
there's no need to be ashamed
You've got the light to fight the shadows
so stop hiding it away
Come on, come on
I wanna sing
I wanna shout
I wanna scream 'til the words dry out.
So put it in all of the papers, I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oooh
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohoh
At night we're waking up the neighbours
while we sing away the blues
Making sure that we're remembered
Yeh, cos we all matter too
If the truth has been forbidden
then we're breaking all the rules
So come on, come on
Come on, come on
Let's get the TV and the radio
to play our tune again
It's 'bout time we got some air play of our version of events
There's no need to be afraid
I will sing with you my friend
Come on, come on
I wanna sing
I wanna shout
I wanna scream 'til the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers, I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oooh
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohoh
Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful ?
Now we're finally finding our voices
So take a chance, come help me sing this
Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful ?
Now we're finally finding our voices
Just take a chance, come help me sing this
I wanna sing
I wanna shout
I wanna scream 'til the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers, I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
I wanna sing
I wanna shout
I wanna scream 'til the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers, I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it, oh
4:36 PM

Being beautifully and wonderfully made...my dear sisters

Happy International Women's Day to all of ma sisters, my mothers, my aunts, my daughters, my BOSSES, my leaders, my followers, my nurtures and my fellow fighters....

 Hope all of you women reminisce  on this day about how beautiful and wonderful you all are...you are not too tall, short, thin, thick, light , dark or any other thing that might want to be altered....
You were fearfully and beautifully made in the image of God..and you better believe you #run this world



8:14 AM

But I do love being bad...its just so much easier than doing good

I feel judged...

Judged by the courts of society playing their holyer than though shiit...
Dude, this is my life...Mylie Cyurus you said it gurl
...Its my house we can do what we want to, its my mouth I can say what I want to.
 Judge me if you want man...I know I cant change...

6:36 PM

Who you calling fat Hah!!...You know you want this

As i sit here feeling like a "KeFatty" after eating 5 slices of greasy oily pizza (FYI: Two slices of pizza are equivalent to swallowing three spoons of warm oil...now who wants a slice?...didn't think so) 

 But then i started thinking..im healthy right Ã¾  Im still reasonably a size 34 right Ã¾  Im not yet bursting out of my jeans right Ã¾ ...and do I honestly loove the way I look Ã¾  then...whats seems to be the problem

 Aaaha! Those skinny bitches in them mags...dam I hate you guys, but I also hate you girls with them abnormally big asses, come on girl, you know all a dat aint natural, and aint realistic...the man still gone see you as the fat ass chick who he would like to bang and never take to mommy...(not judging though if its reall #youGoGuuurl!!)

 We as women have such a jaded opinion of ourself's and what "ought" to be..without realising how beautiful we are...

 I see it happening with my self everyday, be thinking 
...gosh I hate my hair its soo kinky
...or my nose is too flat
...or im not light enough
...or my nails arent skinny enough
...or my boobs aren't big enough and my ass is non-existent
...or I hate my stomach
...or I hate my toes
...or I hate my forehead is too big
...or I hate my eyebrows and my eyelashes...there soo barely there
...or I hate my height...im not tall enough...
...or I hate my teeth, there too sharp and not white enough
...or I hate the fact that i cant sing
...or im not smart enough
...soo basically ive just written down all my insecurities... and iv'e realised how iv'e just basically wiped out every feature that makes me who I am...im not someone else, and honestly I wouldn't want to be someone else, cause then that means id have to live with someone else's insecurities (and I'm not about that life)
I see it in the way that I cant take a compliment, and I don't understand what this person is seeing....and then sometimes I take really good pictures and think "Whoa, this chick is soo hot man"...but I don't feel that pretty.

 And right now i'm just tired of it, cause trying to run someone else's race in your shoes aint never gonna work hunny.

 I realised that listen if your a KaFatty, your going to be a beautiful one that loves food and aint afraid of a few hips...if anything, bring them on and flaunt them.



Chrystal Renn is my muse...Magnifique











"Bone is for the dog, and meat is for the man"...now tell me this aint beautiful
3:56 PM

Lessons im still learning the hard way...

I remember my mother always telling my sister that she was more curative than preventative... I didn't exactly get what she meant, cause i thought my sister was the dopest person in the world (hahahaha), or maybe its because I was a bit young to comprehend with those words...But now i'm starting to get it...i'm even starting to re-live it...

 As i sit in this chair, with memories of the night before, and flashbacks of a girl I never wanted to be....the only words that keep racing in my head are..."When will you ever learn and when are you finally gonna fucken grow up and take responsibility of yourself,...your own life...your own destiny you motherfucker"... Always expecting to gain a whole lot without working for it, wanting to live and have the attitude of a typical "cool kid"...
I seem to forget that i'm not your typical "cool kid" who was typically born with a silver spoon in their mouths and had that typical "sweet life" kinda vibe....I always felt like I had to over compensate or work just bit harder to be visible....
Thinking back, I was probably visible, and till today, i'm probably more visible than I feel like I am...but I still feel like i'm compensating, over compensating for the life i feel I was destined to have... 
I hate always being in competition with other people...or better yet with my self conscience...

 I cant live my life like I was robbed of something, wanting to always over-compensate and match up with the currently unattainable...

 Why do I feel like the world owes me something, it don't owe me shit, instead I owe it  everything...I know what I have to do in order for me to get  what I want...or even deserve...but knowing what to do and actually doing it, has proven harder and harder to do...

 As i sit here, and think of how much of an ungrateful child I am, who doesn't really realise how blessed I am... I come to the conclusion that i'm tired of always overcompensating for something I've materialised in my fucked up head... 
Honestly im tired of trying to honestly "Fit in" because I honestly don't want to, and I just want to live my life with people I don't have to overcompensate for, in order to be seen as valuable, or worth the effort...or even worth loving.
Its not about the materialistic being, its about my holistic spiritual being...and if you don't find that valuable...than your not worth my efforts....

 Its time for me to pull up my socks, and stop hating myself...all I have to remember is that I am a working construction site, that needs a bit of bad weather to remind myself how quick I need to complete the masterpiece...although failure can not be an option right now...  
1:31 PM

Stay normally abnormal...

Hahahaa...I stay feeling like this...
I really love We Heart It though  #the real me http://weheartit.com/ReaRockRoyle
2:54 PM

The man in uniform...

Giggles....
......Thoughts...
..laughter
.....Joy...
     Nervousness...
Stomach growls......... Why do I feel this way
Its soo crazy what emotions can do to you...its even crazier what an accidental...or maybe a fateful meeting could do to you....its crazy how much you could miss a person...but have only met once

 Crazy..well yes, but not incredibly far fetched, and definatley not impossible...
I don't what you've done to me, and I don't know how you've done it...but it takes that extra special something, to make me not salivate over McDreammy and McSteamy, staring at me across the dance floor...it takes just that extra shimmer of confidence..and of course personality, to make me believe that there is such a thing as a "good guy" left in our fucked up society.

 I don't know if its my love-goggles talking, or is it possible to find real love..and is it really true that God has placed the perfect soul-mate for each and everyone of us (yes, although there are about twice the amount of women then they are men)...but thanx to you...maybe, just maybe, I might believe in something called a relationship...maybe, just maybe...I might be able to bring my walls down a little...maybe, just maybe I might reconstruct my very rigid ideas on men...just maybe...

 .....I hope im not living in euphoria, cause it would be a great loss of possibility...and a kick ass/swaGGed out Mademoiselle


2:24 PM

Its still follows behind me...

I told you guys this Illuminati ish is following me everywhere...just got off of Facebook and look how many friends I have...
If this is a sign...its one freaky ass sign man.
1:41 PM

#Me in all my "Thug" life glory

As I get bored, the camera comes out....and finally, I show my face....LOL

I felt like such a cool kid in this #Rihanna Swaag

1:28 PM

#Refuse to be the average

So there I am reading my readings for Soc..and then Boom!...it hit home

"The most serious problem among families with one parent- especially if that parent is a women-poverty. On average, children growing up in lone-parent family start out with disadvantages and end up with lesser educational achievement and lower incomes, and have a greater chance of forming lone-parent families themselves..."


I refuse...and I definaetly sure as hell, aint gonna turn into the average...
3:38 PM

Soo there I was walking to Pick n' Pay  to get airtime today...and the voucher number, ends up having the very same 3 di
gits that my very own cellphone number ends with...

666...I sear tihs illuminati shit is creapng up on me

1:51 AM

This place has suprisingly become my second home...it has become a place I could see my self settling into...

It has become my breakfast, lunch and supper...No like literally...I eat all those meals here.

It has become my present and my future...its crazy how much significance this place has created for me, in just a span of what...6 months...it has become my daily bread...

I salute you Cecil John Rhodes, for being soo conceited as to build a school on a hill...but thanks to you...in your own words, I shall "Go forth and conquer"

BUT THE WEATHER IS STILL CRAPPY

10:23 AM

I feel like a bad person on #Mandela Day

Soo..thanx to uct weather being crappy...as it always is...I didn't do anything today... :(

Its ohkay, ive got tomorrow, and the day after...and the days after that to give up 67 min to a good cause





8:46 AM

Cosmopolitan can soo sGerrit baby...#Perv on this

I don't care If you call me a perv, but with this as a daily fix...Baby I can get my piece of hot chocolate, coffee and a slice of decadent white chocolate...a Sweet tooth I don't want to come loose...





https://twitter.com/search?q=%23LadybonerOfTheDay&src=hash
2:56 PM

But I love My friends though...

I know now...
especially at the age I'm at, how much of an impact my friends make in my life...but I'm just soo dam glad i'm not cliquey...There all soo different and have their own uniqueness that helps me grow s a person...I have crazy ones....
                    short ones...
                                      loud ones...
                                                       prissy ones...
                                                                         smart ones...
....artistic ones...
                              biblical ones...
                                                                                                           experimental ones...

 ...And the list can just go on and on...these people are'nt just a number of friends I have on Facebook, but there the people who made an impact in my life, and managed to create an image of in my mind...an image where I could live without them...an image where I just saw myself at their wedding....at their kids Birthday, and even on a Thursday afternoon....Its cocktail hour somewhere in the world right...
I know that some may go, move on..move to another country...and some may just drift..but to those few that stay...

 To those dear friends I hold to my heart...may you always remind me that im not alon and that I could always run to you when in times of trouble...
2:47 PM

So Ive decided to go and make sandwiches on Jamie Plaza tomorrow for #Nelson Mandela Day...its perfect, I get to do deal with my favourite thing in the world... FOOD, and I still get to feed the hungry

 Talk about killing two birds with one stone...so what are you going to do this #18July

“Overcoming poverty is not a task of charity, it is an act of justice. Like Slavery and Apartheid, poverty is not natural. It is man-made and it can be overcome and eradicated by the actions of human beings. Sometimes it falls on a generation to be great. YOU can be that great generation. Let your greatness blossom.” 
― Nelson Mandela
11:47 AM
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